Someone asked me earlier this week about my blogging, how it felt to share personal stuff and know anyone can read it. It bothered me at the start. I’d be typing and think – ‘I can’t share that’ or ‘that’s too personal’ or ‘what will they think?’ There’ve been times when I have deleted passages refusing to write them and had to retype them because there was nothing else to say – nothing real anyway. I have only one aim when I write, that what I write is real coming right from my heart from what I believe God is saying. I make no claim to be inspired for anyone but myself but I live in the hope that what God is saying to me that is for sharing might be helpful to someone else. I think like all things we do sometimes it is and sometimes it isn’t but what matters is being faithful and obedient. Only He is perfect, only He never gets it wrong.
As for the other aspect – the readers. I know personally some people who read, I have come to know virtually others and some I have no idea about but known or unknown they – you – aren’t my audience. Much as I love you all I am writing for Him, for His pleasure, because He has told me to and so – miraculously (and I mean that sincerely) – He has made me unconcerned by what anyone else thinks. That’s only online here but I live in hope that it is spreading to my physical life and as I consider that I think it is changing me which is another miracle for someone as conscious of what other people think, as controlled by fear of man, as I have been.
That was a long preamble but it’s good to take stock, to think and consider why I do things and it does lead into what I am sharing today. As I started my journaling this morning I wrote down three words: detached, withdrawn and disconnected. That was how I felt, how I’ve been moving towards feeling for a few days. Not from God but from people, friends. As soon as I had written them, acknowledged out loud (so to speak) what I was feeling I wrote three more words: grafted, planted, nurtured. And I made the decision that I am believing Truth not lies. Oh yes, back to the feels bus. I wonder if we ever stop lingering around that bus stop? If we ever tear up the season ticket that comes with living for ourselves? If we ever able to completely ignore the toot of its horn beckoning us to climb onboard?
I have decided to take the path of faith;
I have focused my eyes on Your regulations.
This is my verse for the week. It’s plain and straight and the absolute antidote to any self-indulgent self-pity. I have decided – not swayed by emotions or feelings, not governed by self-pity parties that I died to – I have decided to take the narrow path, the path of the cross, the dying-to-self path, the path of faith. On that path I ignore self-indulgent urges to look at what I want, I ignore the cries of the flesh that wants to luxuriate in things that are not good for me. I turn away from the lazy longing that makes me avoid things that are good for me. Instead, I fix my eyes on the regulations of God, focus on the laws of a good, merciful God who wants only what is best for me, who draws me closer to Him constantly.
Part of that drawing, that goodness comes from the people He places me with. I am planted in His courtyard with others. I am grafted as a branch into the vine, one branch along with others. I am nurtured by His love that is often demonstrated by others. I wrote only the other week about the Body, the Church here’s the test of whether I mean what I write or are they just empty words.
God is good, He repeats His message as often and in as many ways as it takes for me to get it.