As I was walking the dog early this morning, enjoying the quiet and anticipating my prayer time I had some thoughts that I needed to write down. I remembered the way I had felt in the past – eager, bouncy almost with an expectancy that God would speak to me as I spent time with Him. I was full of jotting notes down and bubbling with excitement. I realised I didn’t feel that way anymore and turned the thought over in my head.
Was I bored and just doing the reading, prayer and listening as an old habit that I just did like putting on socks or cleaning my teeth – almost thoughtless? Or was this just a time where God was distant and silent? Was I doing something wrong that I needed to repent of and fix?
I am going to say no to all of those questions. I wrote the feelings, the thoughts and realised that I did still anticipate my time with God and was joyful in the prayer and reading and listening but not like someone to whom the experience was new but rather as someone who is confident that God wants to speak, wants to bless, wants to spend time with me – it’s not a surprise anymore but a comfortable assurance that He will keep His word.
God delights in me – that thought still fills me with awe and wonder. The day it stops delighting me in return is a day I should worry because we are talking about GOD, the Eternal One, the Great I AM and His grace and mercy and overarching Love for me a sinner. But because He delights in me when I come into His presence deliberately for this purpose I can be expectant of His Presence with me.
I wonder if I am sounding self-righteous and complacent. That’s not the feeling I have because I know it is absolutely not me but Him. I owe Him 24/7 worship and give Him a fraction of it. But He is good beyond comprehension and faithful to His promises and comes to meet me.
I think this is intended to draw me more, that the feeling of assurance needs to spills over past the hour or so I spend in the morning into the time when I am eating breakfast and going about housekeeping stuff. As my time becomes comfortable in His Presence, aware that He is with me delighting then it spills into conversations and meeting and divine appointments where He has prepared opportunities to use me for His Kingdom.
I hope I will never be taking this for granted, complacent and careless. He is God and I am not (nor ever will be) so there’s a reverence, an awareness but there’s also a confidence and assurance that He is there loving me, singing over me, delighting in me. That’s a life altering attitude I think.