I get very confused sometimes. It doesn’t help that I live in a world where survival of the fittest is the rule of life. Yes we do take care of the less fortunate sometimes, but ultimately evolution is all about the most suitable, the best adapted surviving. My faith is the complete reverse of that. There is nothing worthy of survival in me, nothing that would make God pick me to have eternal life. It is all about Him. He is the special one, He is the unique one, He is the instigator, the seeker, the rescuer. I’m the recipient of everything He gives, I don’t have a thing of value to Him except the response to love Him.
Mind blowing because that’s in complete and total opposition to what I’m taught by life without Him. Even as a Christian my mind sometimes has trouble with that truth. I’m a capable, intelligent, articulate woman, I’m kind and helpful, I like people, I love animals. Surely that must count for something? Of course those things are ‘good’, but the point is it wouldn’t matter if I was an incapable, uneducated, stuttering woman, if I was cruel and mean, if I hated people and kicked dogs. God would still want me. In both situations – and all the ones in between – I would still need HIM to save me. The ‘good’ things I do are just what should be done. There’s no benefit in being kind because I ought to be kind. That’s like saying we should reward someone for breathing – breathing is natural. It’s the times I stop breathing that matter. If I stop breathing once – I am dead and all the breathing in the world can’t make up for that one not-breathing session. (I hope that makes sense).
This is topsy-turvy land for normal thinking. God strengthens me, not to stand on my own but to rely on Him to keep my way secure. He arms me with strength so that I can keep leaning on Him. He makes my feet like those of a deer, steady, firm, able to dig in and climb, not so that I can stand alone on heights but so I will recognise His hand holding me steady. Man was never intended to be independent of God. We were created to be in relationship with Him, to love Him, to receive His grace and blessing. He loves to give and give and give and give. Our response, the only thing He wants from us is to move in the grace of that giving. Righteous deeds done on my own are nothing, righteousness flowing from Him through me is His gift to the world. It is all and always about Him. It has to be about Him. I have to point to Him, look at Him, rely on Him. The world may laud independence but I want to get more and more dependent on Him and only Him.