Had an awesome service this morning. Started right by making sure there was no problem between me and a friend. Cried. Worshipped feeling God’s hand. Cried. Had communion and felt God say ‘this is your healing’. Cried. The sermon, about another Jesus encounter in John’s Gospel, Jn 5:1-18 The healing at Bethsaida. Cried (and not just because I finally found someone who talks as fast as I do).
The man was an invalid and when Jesus asked if he wanted to get well the man responded with reasons as to why he wasn’t well. Jesus healed him anyway.
I was doing that. A situation had arisen that stirred up my greatest insecurity. It was going to once again steal from me. I had valid reasons. I had experience. I had my view of what should be and I hate to have my plans disrupted, with vehement passion. I had settled it in my mind and even come to a place where it would be a blessing for someone else. I had made peace and knew that it was something God was already working on. I was making strides to fight through the insecurity already. This was just a step too far. I was just waiting for that right moment when the pool waters stirred and I could get in. For my turn.
But He loves me NOW. In this moment, at this point, in this place. That gentle but persistent finger stirred my heart as I worshipped, as I lifted Him higher. No I am not stupid but was being stupid. No I am not ridiculous but I was letting the situation become ridiculous. I am loved. I am accepted. Why am I letting myself deny that?
Because I love Him. I don’t have to suffer another day. I can choose to let the Joy that bubbles inside me from Him, for Him and for others – affect me. I can choose to let the Love He has given me to share – touch me. If it isn’t real for me then how can I share it with anyone else?
If this is you too, if there’s something holding on to you, stealing opportunities, stealing joy, making you less than He wants you to be. Today is the day of salvation, this is the day of restoration. The situation hasn’t changed but I have and that’s the first step. I am picking up my mat and walking. Why not come with me?