I sat down this morning to study and pray and spend focused time with God. I love this time, yes it’s hard getting out of a warm bed sometimes and occasionally I hate my alarm but I always anticipate eagerly the quiet time: what will He say? what will I learn? what will I find in the Bible? how will I grow? It’s not always mind-blowingly new but I always come away a little bit different and hopefully I don’t ‘come away’ as far.
Today was a nitty gritty day. He asked me “Where’s the love?” See I have a situation, a person that I find difficult, very difficult. It’s all their fault of course, I am completely innocent and they rile me, annoy me, upset me and just don’t love me. “Where’s the love?” He asked and I looked again.
It’s not my business how they are, my business is how I am. I judge them harshly, prejudge them even. I criticise them in my heart and too often with my mouth. I treat them as an annoyance no matter what the cause. I let contempt wriggle into my answers and my face when I speak.
“Where’s the love?”
I am not exactly sure how to change this attitude, it’s become ingrained over years. I am certain it will be His work and my co-operation – reluctant and failing at times. But I know I must be changed and I know He can do it.
I’d just like to put one thing straight about this.
What God said to me was painful but I didn’t walked away under a cloud of guilt and shame but with a fresh determination to live according to the Spirit, to be transformed by the renewing of my mind. Being a Disciple is about change, about transformation, about death and resurrection. This is a dying time, dying to the old unloving, sinful ways and rising to a new love, a new way of seeing and being.
Pray for me as He works in me and with me on this.